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by
E-mail: JohnEdie@aol.com
Copyright © 2001 John Cowan. All rights reserved. Published here by permission.
Does everyone else appear afraid inside?
The Haiku used as the title of this essay was written last fall at a "Great Soul" class. Nobody denied and several affirmed that they too appeared afraid, but discreetly afraid, on the inside.
I must confess that when I entered Organization Development thirty years ago my life purpose was to increase trust and reduce fear. Reducing fear had the laudable side effects of allowing creativity, increasing productivity, enhancing quality and all the other bottom line impacts some general manager paid me to cause. But I was in the business of increasing trust and reducing fear basically because that is the kind of world I prefer.
Recently and gradually I have felt myself changing.
My dad had a jeep station wagon in 1953. Normally he drove very slowly as befits a man who first drove Model "T"s. Fifty miles per hour on the highway he considered close to excessive. Never-the-less, he and my sister and mother returned from a trip to St. Cloud pale and shaken. The jeep had developed a howl in its back end. A howl that screamed only when the vehicle slowed. So Charlie had set out from St. Cloud at fifty miles per hour. Then he noticed he was going fifty three and attempted to back off. But the jeep howled so he held it at fifty three until he noticed he was going fifty six. And so on, until he arrived at the gate traveling eighty miles per hour.
I have been part of a movement that has somewhat successfully changed organizational practice and certainly changed management theory toward trust related, fear reducing methods. Yet, I find myself part of a world that has more cause for fear than ever before, as it faces the dislocating uncertainty of its own future. My own anxiety has risen year by year, mile per hour by mile per hour.
I find that as long as I am hustling, doing business or creating business, I am fine. But when I attempt to slow down, my fear of the future howls and I speed up even faster.
What is really terrifying is that I can live like this. It will just be a different me doing the living. I make more money this way. I do more work and therefore more "good." However I rue the pressure to evaluate everything by the bottom line.
Upon hearing that people in the Midwest said "Good Morning" to one another, the New Yorker sneered "That’s cuz they have nothing better to do." I tried to thank a woman for the good work she had done, but she cut me off, having more important things to do than be thanked. More boats sit idle on weekends at Pepin Marina as their owners focus on more useful tasks.
Is it that there are more and more of us who appear afraid inside?
The author of this essay is John Cowan. He has written two books of similar essays: Small Decencies and The Common Table Each is approximately 160 pages in paperback. To purchase either book by mail send a check for $10 per book to him at 1498 Goodrich, St. Paul, MN 55105. Price will be negotiated for any order over 20 books. If you wish to discuss consulting or speaking engagements or attendance at a workshop he may be reached by e-mail. His address is Johnedie@aol.com
Copyright © 1995-2007 Gary Johnson Communications. All rights reserved. BraveNewWorkWorld, NewWork, NewWork News, Careers in the NewWork World, WITNE, and WITNE: Women in the New Economy are trademarks of Gary Johnson Communications.