Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Looking for a career that uses social skills and that has experienced 23% growth in just the past three years? Consider a career as a matchmaker. According to Marketdata Enterprises, a research firm, this occupation grew from 1,300 to 1,600 in the United States since 2004.
Maybe you had assumed that this time-honored occupation has been made obsolete by the online dating services. But evidently in matters of the heart the computer is not capable of eliminating all human workers.
Talk to somebody who has used an online dating service and you are likely to hear stories about date-seeking people who misrepresent themselves. The online services have no resources for verifying the accuracy of the clients' self-reported accomplishments or for judging whether clients' photos have been retouched or are 10 years old. But a human matchmaker can verify that the client is what he or she purports to be.
Human matchmakers also help their clients by persuading them to be more realistic when they evaluate potential mates. Whereas the online environment encourages clients to fantasize about their own attractiveness and make judgments of others based on superficial traits, matchmakers can give clients a diplomatic but reasonable assessment of their charms and can point out attractive aspects of possible matches that might otherwise be overlooked.
These "headhunters of the heart" need formidable networking skills, because networking is how they acquire new clients and, to some extent, how they assess them. They also need excellent people skills. They have to be persuasive, tactful, and capable of making clients feel at ease when discussing their feelings. They need to be able to communicate on each client's level. High-tech skills can be useful for signing up clients, for communicating with them, and for storing and retrieving information about them. In fact, many human matchmaking services have Web sites that look as slick as the sites of the online services. This is part of the extra effort that matchmakers need to expend to project an image of professionalism that will differentiate them from the many well-meaning but often clumsy amateurs trying to fix up single people.
Matchmaking as a profession has many rewards. Matchmakers can work from home and be their own boss. Like many self-employment situations, this one has the downside that the matchmaker is always "on call." Every social event becomes an occasion for networking, and every evening spent watching TV or reading a book is time that could have been spent expanding the business. As someone who works at home, I have found that having the office only a few steps away from the rest of your life means a simplified commute and many of the conveniences of home (such as the companionship of one's pets), but it also means you are tempted to drop in on the office at any time of the day or night.
With the right skills and dedication, matchmakers can earn a good living, but because virtually all are self-employed there are no good figures on average earnings. A recent article in the New York Times mentioned a Manhattan-based professional who charges about $1,500 for arranging eight dates; an in-person interview and a Web presence are included. Another charges $2,500 for unlimited introductions.
One sign of the importance of the human touch is that some online dating sites are partnering with professional matchmakers. Match.com, one of the largest online sites, is test-marketing an extra-fee service in Dallas that lets clients get recommendations from a matchmaker after a telephone interview. They also can give feedback to the matchmaker after a date so that the next match will be a better fit.
Many of those who may be reading this are familiar with the idea of a professional matchmaker chiefly through the character Yenta in the musical comedy Fiddler on the Roof. And it is true that there is still a great concentration of professional matchmakers in traditional Jewish communities. Matchmakers have probably always been in greatest demand among ethnic minority groups that need professionals with impressive networking skills to bring together compatible men and women drawn from a pool that is small and scattered.
At one time matchmakers were highly esteemed, partly because they needed such highly refined skills and partly because they served such a vital function. In fact, matchmakers were considered to be following in the footsteps of the matchmaker who brought Adam and Eve together. In ancient times the function was often served by rabbis, but once the profession was taken over by lay practitioners it lost some of its prestige. Collections of traditional Jewish humor always feature a few jokes about matchmakers in which the matchmaker is portrayed as an unscrupulous fast talker. In fairness, the client is often characterized as overly critical of proposed matches.
In one such joke, the matchmaker asks a young man about his dinner at the house of a prospective bride. "Wasn't that a fine, high-class family?" the matchmaker asks. "Did you notice the pure sterling silverware?" "Yes," the young man agrees without enthusiasm. "But it's also possible that they borrowed that expensive silverware just to impress me." "Borrowed it?" snorts the matchmaker. "Who'd lend expensive silver to those crooks?"
Although I have neither the talent nor the interest to pursue this occupation, I am fascinated by it because apparently it was the occupation of one of my ancestors. My surname, Shatkin, is a Russified version of the Yiddish word for this occupation, shadchan. Evidently my ancestral matchmaker is quite a few generations removed from me, because as far as anyone in my family can remember, our ancestral trade has actually been woodturning. On my mother's side, the beekeeper ancestor who apparently earned the surname Honigman for the family is also long forgotten.
I would be interested to hear from any reader of this column who has a surname—be it Al-Najjar (Arabic for "carpenter"), Archer, Baker, Chamberlain, Ferraro (Italian for "smith"), Fisher, Harper, LeClerc, Miller, Plowman, Reeve, Taylor, Tyler, Wainwright, or whatever—that actually is linked to a known ancestor's occupation.
Dr. Shatkin can be reached at laurence@myself.com
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