With all the unpleasant economic news this past month, I thought that we needed a little uplift and funny bone touches in the job-searching arena. So, continuing with the theme of making your electronic resume stand out, I thought that you might enjoy learning what NOT to write. The following examples come from a variety of sources. Some I’ve collected from defunct job boards. Others come from http://www.resumania.com, the website that the Robert Half International recruiting and placement firm runs:

"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS."
Translation: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION."
Translation: I've used Microsoft Office.

"I'M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE."
Translation: I pilfer office supplies.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES"
Translation: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK"
Translation: I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'M PERSONABLE"
Translation: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL"
Translation: I carry a Palm Pilot.

"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS"
Translation: You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

"I AM ADAPTABLE."
Translation: I've changed jobs a lot.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED."
Translation: The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.

"I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING."
Translation: I'm a college dropout.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION."
Translation: Wait! Don't throw me away!

Hard to believe that your platitudinous statements aren’t taken at face value, isn’t it?! But these are the kinds of inane phrases that flood the screens of recruiters and HR professionals thousands of times every week. So what’s a serious job hunter to do?

Try a different angle and philosophy to your resume. An effective marketing approach to resume writing is outlined in a new book called "Pitch Yourself, Stand out from the CV Crowd with a Personal Elevator Pitch" by Bill Faust and Michael Faust, brothers who live and work in England. "Elevator Pitch" means the 20-30 seconds that you may have at a cocktail party, at a church gathering, talking to a friend at a soccer game, etc. to let them know who you are and what you can do on the job. This is often the personal statement or career objective which should be at the top of your electronic resume. Those same words should be included in the keyword section because they describe your most important qualities in doing the job you are seeking.

Here’s how to apply the Fausts’ new approach to the latest version of your electronic resume:

1) State your name and usual contact information

2) Write a personal statement that is no more than 40 words long. Here is one by an airline pilot that you may want to adapt for your own purposes:

"I continually increase my ability to deal with fast moving complex situation, while inspiring confidence in others around me. I have developed a solid foundation in safety procedures and people management."

Aren’t you inspired to hire and fly in an airline piloted by this individual? This pilot’s 35-word statement sounds a lot more convincing than the following:

"My objective is to work for a growing company with room for advancement. This will allow me to broaden my skills. I am also willing to learn nothing new in order to do the job."

3) In the keyword section, list your most important qualities in doing the job you are applying for. We’ve covered this in previous articles so I won’t go into more detail about it now.

4) Note your educational background. Don’t make the following boo-boo’s:

"Attended the University of Miami from 1892 to 1981" or

"Graduated Cum Laudum" or

"Graduated Magna Cum Loud" or

"Bachelor of engineering. Passed out in top 2 percent" or

"Have repeated courses repeatedly."

5) Write short case studies of your previous work experience that are relevant to this new position. Be sure that you quantify your contributions in concrete terms — all the value added stuff that employers are craving. Make sure that everything you say you are can be measured and documented. Don’t just say that you’re highly motivated or flexible. Use your resume to show HOW. Demonstrate your flexibility in various situations in your current job or jobs. In other words, write concise statements about how your activities in whatever workplace were value added for your employer.

Please let me know what job searching funnies you’ve come across! Next month we’ll talk about harnessing the invisible parts of the Internet during your job search. Until then, please enjoy the remaining days of summer and a lovely August.

In the meantime, I can be reached at jlommel@WorkforceAssociates.com Happy sailing into your new career!

Other NetWorking with Jane Lommel columns

Home

---

Copyright © 1995-2007 Gary Johnson Communications. All rights reserved. BraveNewWorkWorld, NewWork, NewWork News, Careers in the NewWork World, WITNE, and WITNE: Women in the New Economy are trademarks of Gary Johnson Communications.